Hey quick little exercise here. When a girl comes to you all like,
“I’m sexually attracted to women but I don’t know if I could date one, what does that mean?”
The correct response is,
“Lots of wlw start off being unable to see themselves dating women due to fear of repercussion and social conditioning. Here are some people with similar experiences you can talk to/resources on the issue/stuff to read. It is scary but letting yourself love women is freeing and nurturing, good luck.”
The absolutely INCORRECT response is to call them a cheating bicurious bitch who just wants to screw with women and laugh about it later with her hundreds of boyfriends 😀
Glad we’ve straightened that out and I’ll never ever have to see that shit again!
If you want to go deeper, you could include that not all who are sexually attracted to women are necessarily romantically attracted to them, and that is also fine.
They should just go with what feels right, and not try to force things or feel guilty about it. As long as they are also aware of the social conditioning they can then try to figure out the specifics of their situation in due course!
Hey so the whole point of this post is that often, embracing the fact that we can actually fall in love with women and have relationships with them is terrifying and we can’t hand-wave it away as easily as we can sexual attraction.
“Going with what feels right” doesn’t always work! Not when the idea of “what if I dated a girl?” immediately comes back with “my parents might disown me, I might lose my housing, I could get hurt, I could lose career opportunities…”. Whatever rightness comes with the idea of dating women is inherently tied to raw danger for us – so how then do we actually determine what “feels right” at all?
I had this mindset that I might be sexually attracted to women for xyz reasons (all diminishing how genuine that desire might be, mind you) but not at all romantically attracted to them for YEARS, and it hurt me! It hurt my sense of identity and personhood, my sense of autonomy, my relationship with my gender identity and my hopes for the future. If I had a community there encouraging that, telling me I was a “heteromantic bisexual” or whatever, none of that would have ever resolved and I’d feel just as fractured today. But I don’t, not as much, because I worked through those layers and layers of baked-in reasons as to why I thought I didn’t, and couldn’t, love women.
We live in a society that, at every turn, downplays the capacity for women to love one another. If we are sexually attracted to each other, it must only be for men’s benefit. We don’t fall in love with each other, we just make really good friends.I won’t help facilitate that by telling confused and questioning women that their difficulties in coming to terms with their romantic attraction is okay and shouldn’t be questioned, and that they don’t love women after all.
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